Sep 14, 2021

Throughout my blatherings and deep thoughts, there is often a pillar of strength that guides me through the triumphs and the hardships. In this case, it's my wife of eight years and my best friend of nearly 11, Meggan. I know for an absolute fact I would not be where I am today if I had not addressed an ad on a silly online dating site in 2011. Sometimes you get lucky, and you meet someone who still puts up with you at your very worst, and is often by your side during your very best. I also know in a perfect world, Meggan and I probably never meet. As we all know, this is not a perfect world, which is why Meggan and I have defied the odds and managed to work under imperfect conditions.

Last week, we surpassed eight years of marriage. We did nothing. No dinner, no weird gifts, not even a card. In fact, we both forgot. Our anniversary happened to fall on the first day of school, so the focus was on getting the kids ready and out the door. I took Olivia to her first day of school. Neither of us got upset. In fact, we laughed about it. Meggan and I are the most imperfect couple I know, which is why we work so well. The way we met, (online on a FREE dating site called Plenty of Fish, no seriously), our first date (a rest area between Crescent City and Grants Pass, I am not kidding), our first kiss (me just jamming my face into hers like a ram), all the way up to the marriage proposal (I proposed in the living room of the worst house we lived in with a few kids in the vicinity. My oldest was taking a dump in fact). Our wedding day was a disaster, per Meggan, and the cojoining of families can be awkward. We don't always see eye to eye on politics, and co-parenting is stressful. We don't always kiss each other good night or say "I love you" every day. Yet, we both know if one falls, the other will be there to pick them up. Meggan is my soulmate. I love her more today than I ever have. It goes beyond just passion, it is about trust and companionship. I know if I got super sick, she would be by my side. I know this because she gets emotional about it, which tells me I mean the world to her. Many people love her because Meggan is disarming and kind. She would give the shirt off her back for a stranger, no question.

I met Meggan in the spring of 2011 during a really hard stretch. I had endured a nasty divorce, and my confidence was at an all-time low. My ex-wife had done a number on me not only in terms of fighting to see my kids but also in painting me out to be a terrible person. She was able to put pretty sizable holes in me for the first two years of our divorce proceedings, but after that, I changed, and she didn't know the person I had become. Her words and brutality began to wane. Still, I struggled. I struggled to find good footing and in the process made one mistake after another. I didn't want to get into a relationship mostly because my self-esteem was low. When a co-worker suggested Plenty of Fish, I thought, what the hell? I put a profile up and received a couple of messages. I put it down after that and was prompted to put it back up when I came across Meggan's profile. Admittingly, it was the spelling of her name that pulled me in, but also she was pretty, and her profile suggested we had a lot in common. I messaged her, and for the next three weeks, we went from texting to talking to deciding to meet at that rest area in the middle of the mountains. I was already falling for her, but when she came out of her car and walked toward me, Cupid's arrow had found its spot. Like me, Meggan was broken, but not completely. We connected, but there were bumps and bruises along the way. We fought, but we were quick to make up. Slowly, we started to gel, and within two years we were married. One year later, we had a baby (Olivia). Again, very unconventional, but perfectly imperfect. 

The fact is, I could ramble on about my wife and how lucky I am. We are best friends, and I love being with her and around her. She's weird and at times unaware. She chomps on chips, talks through movies, brushes her hair at the dinner table, pees multiple times before bed, and makes weird goat noises. She'll break out in dance in the middle of the store, talks too loud, overshares with strangers, and likes to hold creatures like a baby. She'll pick up anything and everything that has a heartbeat frets over other people's babies and cries very loudly when she's riding a bike. It's all gravy and what makes her, well, her. Alone time is rare for us and always has been, so when we get a day to ourselves, it's great. There is literally no one else I would rather be with. Many people dread their spouses, I love doing things with mine. She empowers me, reminds me that I am handsome and smart, and does those little things that make me feel loved and cherished. I am grateful that life is not perfect and I love that my wife and I are completely unconventional and weird. We don't have that cute love story you read about or see in movies. When we tell ours, people crinkle their faces. And you know what? I think that is pretty amazing because we'll outlast the masses and grow old together. Love is not always a fairy tale, most of the time it's a long dusty, scary road that leads into the unknown. I count my blessings I get to fall asleep every night next to the person who loves me the most.


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